Selfish

A lot of people say that committing suicide is a selfish act; "You punish those around you for your own benefits." Really? You think that suicide is selfish? You think it's horrible? You think it's a sin? You know what's horrible? Making someone feel so incredibly awful that they want to take their own life. Suicide is the last resort. And it's so tempting. You have no clue what their life is like. You have no clue what they've been through. You have no right to tell them they're being selfish. You have no right to mourn their death when you never even gave a shit about their life. I don't like it, I don't condone it, I will always be there for anyone who needs someone, but that doesn't mean that I don't get it. Because oh ho do I get it. Feeling worthless, feeling undesirable, lifeless, having no purpose, every dream of yours gets crushed one right after another, and no matter what you do, no matter how happy you try to be, because you try so hard to be happy, happiness never comes, nothing comes. And in that moment, you feel that you have no choice. You have to kill yourself.

Ya Feel Me?

Do you ever feel like you're not good enough? It's not that you're bad at something, you're just a little less than what people expect you to be. And the worse part is that you don't even have "A thing". That one thing that makes you special, that one thing that you're really good at, something that sets you apart from the rest. You have things you like to do. Like sleep; I'm really good at sleep, but that counts for nothing. I enjoy writing, but in all honesty, everyone enjoys writing. And I'm not exceptional at it, I'm not better than anybody else. I play the piano, but everyone and their brother plays the piano. I'm not even that good at the piano, at least not as good as others. That's another hard thing; there's always someone whose better. You may be "Good" at something, like dancing. Let's say you have been a ballerina ever since you knew how to walk, you eat, sleep, and breathe ballet. You practice four hours a day, five days a week, and you finally made it to the audition for this big ballet company. You are so excited, you've been waiting your entire life for this; you're the best in your class, your teacher adored you, but then when you get there, and you see this girl, and you see that girls audition and you know that she's better than you; you know that she practices five hours a day, six days a week, you know she loves it just a little more, she wants it just a little more. Suddenly, all your hard work didn't even matter, the praises mean nothing, the bruises and blisters were all for nothing, because in the end, someone is always better.